That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of shows stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.

Taylor Gutierrez
Taylor Gutierrez

A Dutch financial analyst passionate about helping expats and locals navigate personal finance in the Netherlands.